


Carnivorous Butler

by Roturier



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Bloodplay, Cats n' dogs acting like cats n' dogs, Demons are nippy, Even with a demon vengence is hard work, Gen, Just another day at the manor, Multi, Other, Ravens are scavengers, Sebastian is a bad bad boy, Sebastian makes a comfy chair, Sebastian's cat fetish goes into overdrive
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-11
Updated: 2015-09-11
Packaged: 2018-04-20 05:10:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4774820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Roturier/pseuds/Roturier
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An early scene twixt demon and his new master watching the sunset. With a flock of ravens. Then a vignette with a bit of gore and various carnivorous beastsies doing what comes naturally. In other words, just another day at the Phantomhive estate. Elements of both anime and manga universes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Vengeance is Mine

* * *

CARNIVOROUS BUTLER

They were broken.

Just as the boy had wanted them to be, just like the ones in the occultists' lair of recent and onerous memory, torn limb from limb, torn from their lives and loved ones just as he had once been torn away from his family, his home, his future, his security-- from everyone and everything he'd loved and who had loved him, even his beloved dog...

The boy sneered over at the demon wearing a butler's skin—which skin was now liberally painted with blood and various other noxious fluids. The boy gave him a  look, a haughty sniff and snugged up his little gloves with fussy little tugs. The young Phantomhive earl decided despite his nausea and doubts about this new pawn of his, he believed he really _could_ learn to love wielding such heady power.

"So, demon: did you enjoy that?"

It was their very first concerted effort toward the boy's revenge: the first of the hidden perpetrators to fall and the boy was mightily pleased with the (nauseating) results. He walked around the perimeter of the slaughter, trying to get upwind of the stench. He attempted to it make it look like a casual stroll, however, not wanting the demon to know his stomach was unsettled by the gruesome sights and smells, not wanting to appear weak. A quick glance up caught the creature's eyes, however, and immediately he knew: it was all wasted effort. The beast already knew and was laughing at him.

Damn...

"It was and will always be my distinct joy to carry out my lord's will, whatever that may be," the demon assured with a smarmy leer and a bow dripping with conceit. How easily the demon disregarded wearing clear and ample evidence of the harrowing slaughter he had just wrought bare-handedly. It was all over his smirking devil's face.

Disgusting.

"Especially when I let you 'let the demon out to play,' eh?"

"Just so, young master," the creature's eyes flashed briefly with a hellish light and he grinned through the stiffening blood.

Thee boy sighed and glance at the bodies again. "I don't think he believed for a second what he'd done would ever come home to him or ever touch his his family in any way. Not even after he'd realised who we were and why we were here."

"That was my impression as well, master. Not until I put my hands on his daughter's shoulders did he realise the bill had come due."

"I am curious, demon: did you take their souls? You moved so quickly I couldn't really see what you were doing. I suppose that was no accident?"

The briefest of pauses and a slight falling of the corners of his smirking smile were all that betrayed the creature's surprise- _damn that contractual honesty rider!  
_

"I did, master. I... wasn't entirely certain you would approve, so I did it very quickly. I had hoped you would not notice."

"Oh hell, I don't care if you catch a snack on the fly." Privately, the boy considered briefly the moral question as to whether he really _ought_ to care what the demon chose to do with the souls of his enemies. Ultimately he concluded no. It was their fault he was going to lose _his_ soul, so it only seemed fair he return the favour.

"Anyway, how were they?"

"How were...?" Again the minute pause and mild astonishment, a little more blatant this time. "What a delightsome surprise. My young master troubles himself over his servants pleasure." Another mocking bow and cheeky grin. "The mother and daughter were quite bland, insipid really, as expected of a sheltered child and a woman of moral rectitude. The man offered a trifle more flavour, but ultimately nothing worthy of note. A mere fortifying morsel, quickly caught and even more quickly forgotten." _He is a curious one, this prissy little noble child. I have contracted with children before but none of them were anything like Ciel Phantomhive._

"Is my master satisfied? Shall I carry you back to the manor now?"

"Clean yourself up first. I won't have you touching me when you're filthy like that." With a quick nod, the demon busied himself de-materialising and re-assembling himself in well-arranged, unstained clothing.

Meanwhile, the boy surveyed the killing field they'd created between them and wondered why he was feeling so dissatisfied. _They couldn't possibly be any deader... perhaps if I killed them more slowly next time? Or with my own hands?_ He doubted he could kill as Sebastian killed, with such pitiless passion, so joyously, without hesitation or regret. One probably needed to genuinely _be_ a demon in order to kill like that, and not merely acting like one. _Though I suspect the damage it would do to my conscience would appeal to the tastes of the future devourer of my soul_.

"Sebastian. You're a... a raven, are you not?" The boy said in a dreamy sort of tone. His dark paladin regarded him with a quirked brow, as he stooped and extended his now spotless arms, wondering what unexpected mental dog-leg the boy might be wandering down this time. The boy, accustomed by now to being carried by the creature, approached and permitted himself to be hoisted up on a lean, strong forearm and leaned his body into the warm, broad shoulder. "I mean, I know you aren't _literally_ a raven, but you do have some sort of affinity with them beyond just appearing like one sometimes, don't you?"

"Indeed, young master, it is precisely as you put it: an 'affinity'."

" I think a raven would appreciate such a feast as this, don't you?" the boy said, gesturing at the bodies strewn about.

"Well, yes, perhaps."

"Could you call some?"

"...possibly I could." The demon looked suddenly distracted, his attention turned inward for a few moments, searching for something, then: "Ravens are normally heading to their night time roosts about now, but...a-ah, yes, there _is_ a flock roosting not too far from here. Shall I call them, then?"

The boy nodded.

"Very well then," The demon pointed to the fiery glow on the horizon. "Look toward the sunset, my lord, that is the direction from which they will come." Already a few isolated bird silhouettes could be seen fluttering on the horizon. "Shall we stay to watch?" He wouldn't normally propose such a gruesome entertainment to one of his human contractors, but this child...who knew what might capture his fancy? And sure enough, the child gave his assent.

Once up on the nearby manor roof, the boy settled himself easily, straddling one of the butler's thighs while using his torso as a backrest. He seemed inclined to conversation-something the demon hadn't noticed the boy being all that interested in up until now.

"It seems fitting to me you are associated with a raven. Because it's a carrion-eating bird. Quite appropriate, really."

"I'm glad my young master approves."

"Oh stop with the smarmy comments, demon: you couldn't possibly give a rat's arse whether I approve of you or not."

"On the contrary my lord,"The butler countered with a smile, "You are my master and I do not lie. _I_ am pleased if _you_ are well-pleased with any aspect of my service. I want you to feel you are getting your 'money's worth'. "

"Well. Either way, you are what you are, whether I approve or no."

"Quite true. However, ravens really _are_ quite worthy creatures to be associated with. Most of them are likable, intelligent, sometimes humorous, complex creatures, capable even of devious behaviour at times, they are highly emotional, territorial and competitive. Each one is a true individual."

"You sound as though you've actually spent time amongst them. Have you?"

"I have, my lord. It is really not too different from donning this appearance and living with you for a while, if you think about it."

The boy gave a low chuckle. "So a demon's holiday is toss on a bird suit and go 'native' for a few weeks, eh? That's really rather funny," the boy mused, missing the grin and the silent amusement from the creature acting as his living chair.

"Well fine. If you say so then I believe you: ravens are the dog's bollocks." The boy said watching the cloud of croaking black birds come swarming in and settle on the bodies. "With any luck the birds will help eradicate any chance of the Yard working out what happened here."

The butler sighed and massaged the bridge of his nose, appalled at the slang the boy had just employed. "My lord I must insist I sit in on the next business meeting you have with those men you hired to run your new Salford warehouse. I am not entirely certain I approve of the sort of things you are picking up from them." the demon shook his head. ' _The dog's bollocks' indeed!_

"So, you're a raven, but... these teeth," the boy said almost absently, twisting 'round and laying a finger on the butler's rose-coloured lip near the largest and most alarming example, "...not exactly part of the 'raven motif' are they."

"No, my lord. More the 'demon motif' I should say." A crooked grin, vastly amused. "Remember, I can appear to you any way you—or I myself—please."

"And these please you, do they?" the boy stared at his servant's mouth, still touching the butler's chin thoughtfully. Usually the demon made an effort to carefully keep his lip over all that strange dentition, and at times the boy was sure they weren't as frankly bestial as they appeared now. Perhaps the slaughter excited his demonic nature and caused the demonic features to manifest. Or the demon was teasing him, deliberately flashing them due to the subject of their conversation. Maybe both. He was nearly certain there had been times in the past when the butler's teeth appeared far more normal.

"What pleases my master pleases me, and at the moment these seem to be pleasing and amusing my young master no end." A huge, toothy grin that seemed full to bursting with uneven, multi-pointed teeth that would've looked far more at home in the mouth of some wolf or  wildcat than this quazi-human.

"In truth I am not by nature a corporeal entity. My physical appearance is merely an illusion, something existing purely to make dealing with me easier for you. It's only purpose is your comfort—or entertainment, as the case may be," the demon butler finished with a smirk.

The fearsome teeth reminded the boy of that circus business, and the tiger 'Betty,' whom he remembered fondly for swallowing the demon's entire head when he'd given in to his feline mania in the middle of the Baron Kelvin investigation. The big cat had continued sucking on the demon's head and clutching at his torso with fearsome three-inch claws while Sebastian tried desperately to convince the trainer and ringmaster Betty was simply giving him 'playful love-bites,' his voice barely audible, because it was reaching them from halfway down the tiger's throat.

Even to Ciel (no cat expert by a long road) it was plain the big predator had been trying to lick the 'fur' off her recently snagged 'chew toy' so she could get down to the serious business of stripping the meaty bits from her squirmy treat. Her trainer and that annoying ginger-haired man she'd promised herself she'd catch and eat one day to get rid of the one who was always stealing her human's attention) were yelling and waving their arms around and there were human females out in the audience screaming and fainting for some reason, but she was a cat and cared nothing for all that human ruckus. After all, what was a wild-hearted cat supposed to do when prey cheerfully leaped into her arms, chucked her chin and played with her paws and just did everything but beg her to eat it?

Ciel chuckled, remembering the sight of Betty's huge, rosy tongue, studded with horrible backward-pointing barbs, getting hopelessly tangled up in the demon's absurdly long fringes as she dragged it up the side of his head, her face grimacing wildly as she tried to disentangle herself, eventually concluding chewing the hair off was her only hope.

"Are souls really so fibrous you need such dangerous-looking equipment to deal with them then?" the boy asked, more joking than anything.

"Well no, but the containers sometimes prove a bit feisty and unwilling to simply lie still and allow themselves to be eaten," the demon says, "unlike my excellent little master who pays his debts as a matter of honour." The demon wrapped his arms a little tighter about his diminutive master. "Not that you aren't a delicious little morsel I wouldn't be tempted to nibble on when the time comes, but souls... souls are quite..." and there he paused, sighing a bit, "I'm afraid they are really quite insubstantial and beyond your inadequate human senses. It would strain even my skill with human speech to find the words to make you understand. But as a demon I can both sense as well as savour them to the full."

"I think I should like ravens like these to have whatever is left of me when the time comes, Sebastian. Could you arrange that?"

"I cannot promise, but I shall _try_ to be generous and share, master."

"So do you think I will taste good, then? Better than this man, eh?"

The demon laughed and shook his head. "I doubt whether any other contractor of mine has ever wasted a moment's concern over whether or not I would enjoy the taste of their soul. You are a most strange and unique little human, young master."

"A little less of the continual harping on my size, thank you." The boy pinked up, highly offended. "So you don't think I'd be a bitter pill that would stick in your craw and choke you?'

The butler hummed thoughtfully, then nuzzled the boy's ear and neck. "Well you're certainly stubborn enough, if that counts for anything. I suppose it's possible you might be a bit like an underdeveloped green apple: rock hard, astringent and inedible, but somehow I doubt it." All through these words the demon had continued snuffling at his neck and ear, loosening his collar with a finger, ruffling his hair with his breaths, giving the boy chills.

"What the hell are you doing, demon."

"Satisfying my curiosity, my lord, and yours..." and suddenly the earl felt the demon capture a pinch of flesh from between his neck and shoulder with those glittering teeth and bite down. Not hard, but hard enough. The earl started to flail and let go a wild, panicky squeak, sending the ravens into nervous flight around them. He twisted away sharply from the biting demon, slapped as hard as he could the handsome face that was far too close and then planted his fists in the creature's chest to keep his distance. Not only was the demon's mouth twisted with mirth, it was also was spattered with blood. The demon's own, from where the slap had torn his lip on one of those delicately pointed teeth, and the earl's as well, from that wicked little pinch.

Later, in cooler temper, the boy would admit, at least to himself, that he hadn't really been hurt that much, but the demon _had_ broken the skin with those fearsome fangs and the earl was beyond incensed. He'd started to shout but somehow the sight of his blood dotting Sebastian's lips struck him dumb.

Amused at the boy's reaction, the demon licked the blood away slowly, voluptuously, watching the boy tremble, unable to look away. Not tormenting enough, the demon craned his head closer. Immediately the earl shouted for him to back off.

"Young master if you don't let me catch it that it that blood will stain your collar and ribbon." The demon eyed the lightly punctured skin still weeping a tiny crimson pearl— quite a provocative sight.

"I don't care. Clean it up properly."

"This _is_ properly for a demon. If you let me I can heal—"

"Do it properly _for a butler, curse you!_ Use... a damn handkerchief, okay?! And shut up! I never gave you permission to wound me." The boy sat with his arms crossed over his chest, fuming. When the butler tidied him up and carefully returned the handkerchief to a pocket for safekeeping until later, the boy settled back again with his back on butler's chest —which rather surprised the demon.

"Anyway,how was it."

"Oh. Do I have permission to speak again?"

"Not if you're going to continue being a smart-ass, _no!_ Now I asked you a question. You tasted. Give me a report."

"As anticipated, young master, there is every indication you will be highly palatable." The boy could hear the smile in the creature's voice without even looking and it irritated him no end.

"Ass of a demon. Quit laughing at your betters and take me home. The servants were told to expect us back in time for supper.Even you will be hard put to it to make it there in time for that. "

"But does it not please you to tread the primrose path of dalliance with your demon, my lord?* It isn't as if you're still angling for a pass through the pearly gates, after all."

"Do you want slapped again? I begin to suspect you enjoy it," the boy growled. "Home, I said. Supper."

An ironic sigh escaped the demon's lips as he stood preparing to leave.

"What."

"All this talk of eating... so very many meals I must serve my little master before I finally get to enjoy my own."

"You'll get _yours_ soon enough you smirking bastard," the boy growled, pulling up his collar angrily. "That is if you haven't nibbled me away by then."

The butler grinned widely and hoisted his little charge a bit higher in his arms as he prepared to launch them both into the air.

"I shall do my best to be patient, my lord."

 

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

* A paraphrase from _Hamlet,_ Shakespeare


	2. The Truth About Cats and Dogs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More of the same with knobs on. And some cat fur.

 

 

 

"Damn it all Sebastian, what in _hell_ do I pay you for?!" the imperious boy in blue yelled as he stood atop his desk, fists on slender hips, roaring to make himself heard over the melee currently taking place in his office—normally a place of graceful tea service, the sweet, comforting smells of leather, ancient parchment and excellent chocolate cake was now-

"Eaugh! It SPRAYED me! with-with- EEAUGH! My _eye_!"

"You do _not_ pay me young master—well, not yet at least," the butler smirked as he took advantage of a quiet moment in the eye of the storm to dab his handkerchief over the boy's face and eye, soothing the bloody scratches and mopping up the dripping cat urine.

Meanwhile, the three causes of the chaos were each striving to achieve radically differing goals while writhing and whirling about together on the fine turkey carpet. And then the chaos widened out again to envelope them all.

"NO! BPHFFT! AAAGH, aw, DAMN IT TO HELL, FINNY!"

The black cat shot over the desk, across the boy, climbed the butler like a tree and shot skyward for the tops of the book cases with a huge, overexcited demon hound in close pursuit, biting, snapping and clawing indiscriminately pretty much everything in his way. Pluto might've been a demon, but dogs will still be dogs, and not one of them has ever been able to resist chasing _a fleeing cat._

"SorrymastersorrymasterI'msoverysorrymas—"

"Ah, the delightful exuberance of a puppy, my lord. There really is nothing quite l—"

"Damn it Sebastian, don't just STAND there babbling, _DO SOMETHING!"_

"Oh, ah," The butler responded gently, as though profoundly surprised anyone would be discomfited in the least by what was afoot. He smiled sweetly, reached a hand out behind him and quickly threw open the nearest casement window just as the cat was entering the final stretch and coming their way again, streaking across the tops of the bookcases which lined the room. The dog was keeping pace by leaping up and raking the entire contents of each bookcase out onto the floor: rare first additions, kaleidoscopes, stuffed birds and other Victorian bric-a-brac were all sent flying all over Hell's half-acre. The cat seemed tuned in to the butler's thinking and immediately sailed out of the newly opened window, seeming not to mind that they were eighteen meters up on the first floor.

"So tough, yet supremely elegant and graceful, just like a demon," the butler murmured with a sigh.

The cat was quickly followed by Pluto, his black claws gouging hellish curls of wood out of the fine Mahogany desktop. He leaped at the window, snapping his jaws shut on the place where the tip of the cat's tail had been just moments before, and instead caught Sebastian's shoulder. The dog immediately yiped and let go, having got the full effect of the demon stink-eye Sebastian aimed at him (Finny, still wallowing on the floor behind the desk missed it entirely. The filthy look was quickly followed by a heart-felt demonic knuckle sandwich.

And that's when he started breathing fire, and so Pluto did, too.

Things went downhill quite fast after that. A moment later Finny was out cold from a cut glass decanter wielded by Sebastian and meant for Pluto's head... probably... maybe. Then the butler was able to use his full powers on the canine nuisance who was very soon (but not _nearly_ soon enough) also out cold and cluttering up the floor which the butler was certain would soon be required for other purposes. Considering the hopeless hash this brouhaha made of the butler's sacred schedule, Sebastian was looking remarkably un-fussed. Suspiciously _happy_ in fact, and clearly admiring the widespread chaos. And the young earl noticed and was less than pleased.

And where had the cause of it all gone off to?

"You mean 'Her' my lord?" Sebastian smiled even wider. "Not to worry, she is quite safe. She wisely shot out the open window once things really started heating up."

" 'Heating up' you say."

"Well. So to speak." A smirk too smug for words.

"I don't give a red hot DAMN whether your bloody cat is safe! If _anything_ like this happens again, I-"

"Pardon my lord, but whose delightfully _whimsical_ idea was it to bring that _loathsome canine_ home with us in the first place?"

"..."

"Hmm?"

The boy stared wordless daggers at the demon.

"Woof?"

"Ohshutup!" Ciel crossed his arms over his chest and stewed. Then much more quietly, he said again, "if anything like this ever happens inside this house again, I'm going to order you to do some things you are really going to hate! Do you hear me?"

"..."

"YOU MAY SPEAK NOW YOU TWAT: DO YOU HEA—"

"Why yes, my lord, I had no trouble whatever hearing you. In fact I feel sure they had no trouble hearing you in Islington—"

"SHUT UP!"

"Tch, _do_ make up your mind..."

"YOU are going to find a solution to this problem or I'm going to order you to make STEW of that CAT!"

"At once, my lord." The butler morphed into a black blur and shot through the study doors before the boy could think up anything worse.

 

 

* * *

 

_The next day..._

 

"Stop stalling, Sebastian, and tell me: why is it we're out here?" the boy demanded while stepping carefully over guy ropes, past elephants, bales of straw, steaming piles of dung of mind-boggling proportions and in between partially pitched tents. Circuses: how he hated them...

"A bit of a loose end left over from the Baron Kelvin case, young master."

"Really. So you tracked down more members from the Noah's Ark Circus?"

"In a manner of speaking..."

You should've told me; I'd have worn my pistol."

"No need for that sort of thing."

"But if they know what happened, what was done, you _know_ what you'll have to—"

"Nothing as dangerous as that will be required," the demon smiled and placated.

"No?"

"No. This performer will not be talking to anyone anytime soon. And just as with Snake, some souls definitely _can_ be saved."

Oh god. The butler was wearing _that_ smile: the one Ciel knew meant he had yet to hear the other shoe drop. Suddenly he realised they were standing in front of a _cage_ ( _oh no_.) with massive iron bars ( _No, please_ ,) he further realised the butler was gesturing at the interior of this very same cage. Well actually, his hand and shoulder were already _inside_ of it, his body so slender he easily fit between the bars. A fact made even more apparent when the cage's occupant (NO NO NO!) leaped up ( ** _NOOO!_** ) and did her best to tear that shoulder off.

"Sebastian!" the earl cried, clutching the butler's nearest shoulder and arm and jerking him back while falling over backwards himself, scrabbling back further and further along the straw-covered ground as 21 stone (300 pounds) of black and orange outrage came hurtling at them, claws swiping, jaws snapping, slamming itself against the bars of the cage and making a noise Ciel only ever expected to hear should the End of All Things come much earlier than anticipated and he should have the misfortune to personally meet one of those beasts out of the Revelation—one of the multi-headed ones because surely that GUT-SHUDDERING NOISE could not have come from a single throat!

"It's fine, my lord, (body leaping spasmodically as the tiger jerked and tore at his arm) this is just another play bite I assu—"

"No."

"My Lord?" (another jerk and his feet momentarily leave the earth.)

"NO, you are NOT bringing another animal monstrosity into my home!"

"With due respect, young master, _you_ started it," Sebastian smiled sweetly as the tiger—Betty was her name— did her best to detach his arm at the shoulder with jerks and twisting lunges, while he cooed and scritched and fondled her soft and fluffy white ear fur with his long, thin fingers.

" _NO, damn it_ _, no! Take one more step toward that cage and I will **do** you, so help me-- **stop laughing, I will find a way!**_ ** _I SAID NO YOU STUPID DEMON, LISTEN TO ME WHEN I'M--!!_**

"So you want me to get rid of the dog, then? You ordered me to _solve the dog problem_. I could easily force some clothes on him and dump him in the docklands, or better yet even put him on a boat.headed for the penal colonies. In fact that is probably a very good ide-"

The boy reached out and clamped his hand over the demon's babbling lips.

 

* * *

 

About three hours later, after much talking, threats, blood, torn skin, ripped off clothing, chewed off hair, sexual bribes and a great deal money changing hands despite the fact no one had been able to do anything at all with Betty since Beast disappeared, it was determined what was really missing in Pluto's life was a playmate- and _not_ one dressed in swallowtails, thank you very much, because the butler had _other_ duties to attend to. He also needed someone well able to teach the thick-headed hell hound some fresh respect for felines.

Hellfire was plainly dancing in the demon's eyes as he said that last and the earl groaned when he saw it.

 

 * * *

 

Sebastian rolled the laden tea cart into the young master's office at precisely four pip-emma, the beautiful set of Royal Doulton gently ringing together like fairy bells announcing the welcome advent of Tea Time. The demon in the butler's skin was smiling, a serene, vastly self satisfied smile that tended to make the other servants gulp and dive for cover and carriage horses roll their eyes and shy violently (innate equine wisdom teaching them it's never good when a predator near you shows its teeth.)

But the demon's smile only served to put the boy earl into an ill-mannered grump.

"For this afternoon's tea we have Fortnum and Mason's best Darjeeling, accompanied by a selection of tea sandwiches, shortbread fingers dipped in dark chocolate and orange icing and also a small selection of truffles in different coatings." The boy immediately snatched and stuffed all the truffles in his mouth at top speed, shoving in the walnut, coconut and cocoa covered confections before the butler could tell him he wasn't allowed to eat them all—a rotten trick the demon often played under the guise of 'teaching the young master discernment and restraint.' But today, strangely enough, the demon only stood by and beamed in a most unsettlingly cheerful manner.

"Oo pu somefing funny in 'em, idn oo." the boy mumbled, his cheeks bulging with chocolates, hand already twitching greedily over the delectable-looking shortbread fingers.

"What an appalling notion. You wound me, young master, really you do." He didn't look particularly wounded though, just kept grinning away like he was Lord Mayor of Doolally.*

"What has you in such a disgustingly cheerful mood." Ciel managed after swallowing most of the chocolate in his mouth. It felt like some sort of defeat just having to ask the question.

Just then a dreadful wail rang out somewhere outside: an ululation, a cry for mercy. It was the voice of a terrorized dog who'd reached the end of his emotional rope, yike-yike-yiking away as he ran around the perimeter of Phantomhive mansion.

"Sebastian, when is that going to stop? That's the fifteenth revolution they've made today!"

"Young animals are bursting with energy my lord, it's best if they burn it off this way." Well the boy supposed that was true, but he was starting to feel really sorry for the damned Hell hound.

"She's still scratching hell out of you though," the boy observed, eyeing the usually perfect-appearing butler "You look like hell. Heal faster."

"Perhaps my young lord would like to contribute some of his blood to hasten the—"

"Find. Another. Way." the boy ground out angrily. This was the eleventh 'affliction' the demon had 'suddenly developed' and wanted some of his blood to cure. Ever since that wicked little bite Sebastian had given him up on his enemy's roof, the boy's soul was no longer the only thing Sebastian was interested in.

The demon, meanwhile, had drifted over to the window and looked out. Betty was on her back, right in front of the mansion front door, her inverted body underneath Pluto, massive jaws wrapped around his throat, front claws holding him to her in a painfully tight embrace, back feet doing their level best to eviscerate him. Luckily for Pluto he enjoyed a demon's quick healing abilities, so long as he was well fed and well cared for. The butler unshipped another deep sigh, fingers playing with the place where the tiger had ripped the ear clean off the side of his head just that morning as she'd awakened in his arms, the both of them stretched out together on the demon's bed (with the brave but tiny 'her' snuggled in the bend at the back of the demons knees.)

"I'm just happy my lord has finally permitted me to keep a cat," the butler said, grinning like a loon.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Doolally- way of saying you're off your head. Crazy, in other words. Great etymology though admittedly I'm using it about 20 years too early but it's just such a fun word you'll just have to put up with it... you really should look it up though, if you're into words and history.


End file.
